


"Slapdash, that's not what I meant!"

by Mari_Cruise



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Reader-Insert, asdhskdha based off a convo with a friend, beware some slight spike descriptions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 00:36:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18905908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mari_Cruise/pseuds/Mari_Cruise
Summary: A fic based off a convo with blitzwingsboyfriend (aka my enabler) on Tumblr over who would send a professional follow up message after sending a dick pic.(Hint: It's Magnus)





	"Slapdash, that's not what I meant!"

You were going to kill Slapdash. For if it wasn’t for him, you currently wouldn’t have your communicator blowing up with dick pics from (nearly) everyone on the Lost Light.

Your current predicament was caused by a conversation earlier that day. You admitted to the bot that it was strange adjusting to life on the starship. You had laughed when you confessed that it was weird that you no longer received certain pictures from men -as you occasionally did back home. The dense Slapdash had not understood what you were talking about. A quick search on the interstellar web had shed more light on the topic you vaguely spoke to him about -for he had no idea what a 'penis' means.

He had clicked on the first article that popped up on the top of the search list and quickly realized what you had talked about. Sweet, -but once again: dense- Slapdash had misinterpreted your comment as a complaint, thinking that you missed the common occurrence from back home. He found it weird that you would miss such a gesture. Nevertheless, he then later sent you a picture of his spike with an attached message reading, ‘Hope you feel a little less homesick! XOXO -Slapdash’.

You swore you lost years off your life the second you opened the attached file.

Before you could correct the misunderstanding, a rumor had gotten around stating that it was customary for humans to receive photos of genitalia as a sign of good faith, friendship, or romantic interest. You don’t know how that exactly happened, but what you did know was that you had an inbox full of spikes and valves -or both if the bot was flexible enough. Or in Sureshot's case; a mirror.

You really could've gone throughout your whole life without knowing that Riptide had two strange tentacle spikes, or that the pyrobots were shameless enough to take a group picture, or even that Thunderclash's tacky paint job was reflected on his -unsurprisingly perfectly shaped- member. The whole evening you contemplated just smashing your communicator and calling it a day as you scrolled through the long list of notifications.

There was a 'ping' heard as you received a new message. Your eyebrows rose in shock as you read the name of the sender. Never in your time onboard the Lost Light, would you have imagined that one-day Ultra Magnus would send you a follow-up message about his dick pic.

The message was so _him_. It reminded you of the courteous emails one would send after an interview. He even included a subject line! An amused smile made its way onto your face as you skimmed the contents of the message. It read:

Re: My Spike Picture

Concerning my previous message, I hope it achieved its purpose of conveying my thankfulness of your friendship. Despite being unfamiliar to me -I will respect and honor your human custom of accepting my photo and receiving your input. For your convenience, I’ve attached the photo once again. Please direct any all criticisms, comments, or questions concerning its contents in a response message.

Respectfully yours,  
Ultra Magnus (Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord)

True to his word, a file titled, ‘spike.png’ was attached to the end of the message. He had been one of the first bots to send you a photo so you knew exactly what was in that file. You nearly fainted the first time you saw it.

You hated that you would have to explain to him that while you greatly appreciated the gesture, the whole situation was a ginormous misunderstanding. As much as you loved Slapdash, you wanted to strangle him for putting you in such a predicament. Though on the bright side, you had enough spike and valve pics to last you a lifetime.

….

Ultra Magnus felt like he was seconds away from combusting out of sheer embarrassment. “You’re telling me it’s not a positive gesture to send unsolicited photos to a human?”

“Yes Mags, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I’m an expert on human culture so I would know these type of things.” Swerve was trying his best not to laugh at how pink the larger bot’s face had gotten. They had been casually conversing in the elevator when the minibot had passingly mentioned that despite being light years away from Earth, their resident human still had to deal with the headache of receiving unwanted pictures.

“Hmm. I see. Excuse me, I need to send someone a message.” Swiftly, Magnus whipped out his communicator and began typing furiously away.

….

You cocked an eyebrow as you got yet another message from your resident rule-abiding bot. It read:

Re: My Spike Picture

URGENT!  
Please ignore and feel free to delete my previous messages. I apologize for any inconvenience my actions may have caused due to my limited knowledge on human culture.

Sincerest apologies,  
Ultra Magnus (Duly Appointed Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord)

Laughing, you shot him a quick reply telling him that it was alright and you understood that his actions were a result of a misunderstanding. Though after he cleared up the situation with the rest of the crew you received various similar reactions from many bots. You graciously accepted the apologies but ignored Joyride's message of 'send nudes'.

Despite the situation being resolved, Ultra Magnus avoided you like the plague for the entire following week. His processor nearly crashed every time he remembered that you knew what his spike looked like -there was no way he'd be able to stand to look you in the eye. As a result, he spent countless restless nights after the whole ordeal. His curiosity of what you thought of his spike killing any chance of recharge.

Luckily -or unluckily-, you never told him that you liked what you saw.


End file.
